How to talk to a shy guy? 9 ways that actually work, to get him to talk to you

You like a guy in your college, he is sweet, smart, friendly, helpful, everything you’re looking for. You want to talk to him, but there’s one problem. He doesn’t talk much. He is very shy. His friends say he doesn’t come to parties, doesn’t mingle, keeps mostly to himself. How to approach this guy?

Some of your girlfriends have crushed over him hard, tried talking to him but with no luck. He just gives one-word answers! Just doesn’t open up!

The story sounds familiar? Well, you are not alone. Women all around the world, find it hard to talk to a shy man. Shy men are usually anxious and nervous to talk to women. Most of the time, it shows in their body language, they don’t make eye contact, they ‘seem’ like they don’t want to continue the conversation (but actually they are not uninterested). It’s tough to open them up.

What do you do? Give up?

Nope! In this article, I’m going to break down the steps to talk to a shy guy and have a meaningful conversation with him.

Why are some guys shy?

It could be some childhood trauma, insecurities, social awkwardness by nature, or social anxiety because of various reasons. Shy guys worry about the girl judging them. I read a story online of a shy guy who said “In school, I was very shy and scared to talk to girls. When I dared to smile at a girl I liked, she smiled back at me, but then made fun of me with her friends”. Experiences like these might have created the unhealed trauma in your guy.

They fear being ridiculed or messing up something. They tend to overthink every word and move of theirs. So, you should always be cautious and sensitive while approaching a shy man.

After knowing all this background, here are 10 effective ways to make conversation with a shy and quiet guy and get him to talk to you-

1. Start small- Start by saying hi whenever you see him. Instead of jumping right into talking, first, make him your acquaintance, so that he knows you by face.

2. Talk one-to-one- Shy guys are very self-conscious and worry about their image when in a large group. They are better talkers one-on-one. Initially talk to him one-to-one. Approach him when he is alone.

3. Don’t put him in the spotlight- Don’t ask him to talk about himself. That will make him recoil to his cocoon even faster. Instead, introduce yourself, tell him about yourself. And remember- NEVER ask him why is he so shy. That will make him feel you’re complaining about his very nature and will give a reason to run as far away as possible from you!

4. Ask open-ended questions- Shy guys are experts in giving one-word answers because they just can’t think of anything to talk. For example if you ask “how was your day?”, all they can think of is “good’ as an answer. But if you ask, “I see you are wearing a Harry Potter t-shirt, who is your favorite character?” your guy will say “Oh I love Dobby” and you can ask follow up questions like “what qualities do you like in dobby?” “how many times have you read the books?” or you can talk about your favorite characters. Do you see how the conversation started flowing here with such ease?

5. Talk about common things- Just like I explained in the previous point, pick common interesting topics to talk about. Be it sports, movies, books, or anything else. Try asking his friends about his interests, or ask him what does he like.

6. Listen carefully- Don’t wait for your turn to speak. When he is talking listen carefully, nod in between, ask questions in between to show him that you’re interested in the conversation. Make eye contact, if you keep staring at the ground or somewhere else, he might feel you don’t want to talk anymore. Remember? Shy guys are also sensitive to this kind of thing.

7. Talk over text- Shy people are usually bad talkers but good texters. Texting gives them the time and space to think before replying and it takes off the pressure of avoiding awkward silences (which they are really scared of) while speaking face-to-face. Use the internet, social media, strike up conversations over text.

8. Ask for advice- The best way to bond with a shy guy is to ask for advice. This gives him a chance to talk without thinking about the topic and to show his expertise. Ask him “Hey, I just can’t figure out this application, can you help me out?” This might even lead to further conversations about the course you’re applying for, the college you’re applying for, etc.

9. Don’t judge him- The most important thing to remember is to accept him the way he is and not judge him for being shy or talking less. Make sure you don't have a problem with him being shy in the first place and you're good to go!

So, apply all the tips given here and let us know how did it go!